Taking my Piece of PEACE back. 

CO-Parenting is something that I am still learning how to do. One would think after almost 3 years this would not even be a concern anymore...but unfortunately it is. There is piece of me that still hung on to the hope that my family could be pieced back together after having my daughter. But the reality of the situation is that we were never meant to be. ( what a hard realization to come to, especially with a second child on the way.) I can vividly remember seeing him for the first time 3 years ago. We were at a picnic celebrating his fraternity. He walked up with his LB and i was immediately blown away. His grace his walk his SMILE just blew me away. He was the most beautiful human I had ever seen. 
But early on the signs were there, i was in denial and continued to be motivated by the potential and not the reality. 

We had Marli- what a traumatic experience. I felt alone most of the pregnancy and even delivered her alone., yet deep down I just knew he loved me and that he needed time and blah blah blah. I was allowing him to skate on responsibility and not seeing, for face value, the kind of guy he was. 

We tried again, I never dreamed of being a single mom, I wanted a husband, But the reality is I am a single mom. While dealing with that my next hope was for my child to have a healthy relationship with her father... just as i did growing up. 

In the beginning Co-parenting was hard because I still wanted him. I still had desires of fixing all that went wrong. But as time as moved on I have come to realize that my peace of mind is much more important. I would rather my child see me less stressed, frustrated and sad then for her to see me miserable with a man ( her dad) who clearly did not want to be around. 

Time has healed the wounds of my heart. I truly loved this man, i mean if i didn't I wouldn't have had his child. He was ready to love me back. I totally accept that truth now.

I am pregnant, again, the stress that he causes me simply from trying to coordinate a day care pick up or purchasing diapers is NOT worth my sanity. I'm at so much peace when i don have access to him. I need to keep it that way. So for the time being I need to separate myself, completely, from this man until hes pure existence doesn't annoy me. 

I am reclaiming my piece of peace. 

Lessons Learned: See a many for what he is, not what your dreams and his potentials are. 
When a man says he's not ready- believe him
Your peace is important. Protect it. 

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