On this photo I was young, a college student, artist, designer, in shape, slim, care-free spirited woman. 
But for like 2 seconds I looked at this photo and wondered...If presented with an oportunity to go back to this place in time, would I. For a moment I said heck yea! But then realized how far I've come and shifted my response to a no... wanna know why? Well, This exact photo reminds me of the young girl I use to be ( but ultimately helped form who I am today). It reminded me of a lifestyle I once lived and enjoyed. You know the get up and go where ever you feel like it without lookig for a babysitter lifestye. LOL- This photo reminded me of all of that!!! Until I really looked at this photo and reflected. This girl had still had a lot of learning to do.

I was so young, filled with endless amounts of energy. I thought I had life figured out... ( I still dont but yall The reality is I’m still young, but this time I KNOW GOD's plan will always trump mines..so living day by day makes room for me to appreciate what I have count my blessings. 

I remember everything about this photo, the event, the people I was with, the dude I loved at that time, the car I drove and where I lived. I remember planning for this event and not having anything to wear until I went to value village bought an old lady purple pant suit. I remember whipping out my sewing machine to transform those old lady pants to cute high waisted shorts. I remember running to Walmart to grab that shirt to go underneath the blazer. Hell even the purse was thrifted. I remember sitting with my girls til the wee hours of the morning laughing at some woman who literally wore a plastic bag to get into the hot tub...this was the night that i worked the room and smiled consistently for like 5 hours. I remember how happy I felt...which lead to me to then I remember how sometimes I miss the head space I was in!!! I miss my happiness. Do you see the glow beaming off of me?! I was a young college girl driven by her love for thrifting, art, her sorors, kicking it on the town and LIFE...I created my happiness in everything that i did. 
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But life happens and things change.

On this #TBT I look back at this photo in amazement of myself....I have come so far. And like wine I’m aging (for the better) with time. 

As 2016 prepares to end, I use this photo as a reminder that remember that while becoming a mother changed me in many ways... it also changed how I viewed my happiness. For a long time I put my happiness on hold to ensure my child ( and now children) were taken care of. I just now welcoming the space for myself to STILL be the fun loving, thrifting, upcycling, art making, spunky mama! One thing I noticed after looking at this photo was my smile... That smile was infectious, and looking back about three years or so. I don’t smile (this hard) as much. but thats about to change. 

I read a post from my girl this week that said Happiness is random. its created.

I miss when I openly, unapologetically created  my own happiness. I often get so wrapped up in mamahood that I forget to appeal to my what makes me happy. I neglect my own happiness for the sake of my children. But, if i want to get back to place where my energy reflects that which is in this photo... I have to remember self-care, and while since this picture real life has kicked in I have to realize that I am still Symphony. An indivisual who is simply beautifully complex! 

Now I am wiser. Curvier. older. a mama. teacher. community activist, artist, business owner... the list could go on...Im better. Different. But better

For all the mamas out there who get those photos in your time hop that make you wish for that life again.. just remember that now you are wiser and exactly where you are supposed to be. 

peace. 

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Read the article listed below: 

Then watch this... 

The decision to cut my hair was one that had years of back and fourth thinking. But on New Year's eve 2013 I randomly decided i was not going to wait any longer. With my bestie Shunda we traveled to the barber just as they were closing to make this a real experience.

​Please note I was pregnant and hormonal and ready for some new energy. My hair felt heavy and carried a lot of spiritual weight. As my body prepared to give birth to new life I felt like my hair needed new life too.

After reading that article I must admit that shaving my head made me look at my reflection in such a way that made me re-introduce my self to my self.  All my life I had a head full of hair. Long permed hair, long natural, big over the top afro, then long healthy locs. With no hair I had to begin to accept my beauty for what it really was. 

I would be lying if i said rocking a bald head immediately gave me freedom. It was an adjustment.  The first being i took for granted how much our hair keeps our head room. In the middle of January I realized hats would become my best friend. lol

There were days when I looked in the mirror and LOVED what I saw- short bald hair and all. Then there were other days when I refused to leave the house because i did not feel a feminine ounce of energy. 

Three years later and I am back on #teamlocs. Almost shoulder length hair I KNOW that if i ever get tired of it cutting my hair is nothing. Been there. Done that. 

Your perception of hair will change if and when you decided to do a big chop. While I an't promise the journey will be without its highs and lows I still very much so would encourage any woman to try it. 

#peace
#queenegra
​#melanatedmama