You are a woman. A mama. A fran. A sister. A daughter. A dope chic. - You are resilient and beautiful. Your story is one of perseverance and strength. You should be proud of the person who have become. Two little humans call you mama and you have managed to turn your dreams into reality. God is not done with you. Go look into the mirror and affirm your beauty and greatness, both inside and out often.
I am so proud of you for not giving up on yourself when your back was against the wall and when you fell to your lowest. I am so proud of you for being honest with yourself when you needed to do and be better. Strength doesn't come from doing it alone- it comes from asking for help.
Im glad you figured out how to moisturize your skin, cause being ashy ain't cute lol. I know you made jokes about not being ashy but I realize that was just a way to remind yourself that self care is important. Never stop taking care of yourself...because mama or not if you are not good you are no good for your children.
You took a lot risks leading up to this day...but take more. Stop over thinking and live in the present. You can't change the past and the future hasn't happened yet...LIVE!!!!
Realize you are NOT superwoman. While you do some amazing things- realize and accept that some stuff simply wont get done- and it's ok! You are still going to be a dope chic and a great person. NO is a complete sentence.
Love with out conditions. Expect nothing. If its genuine in nature the universe will repay you. Just be you, unapologetically.
Remember that life happens outside the comfort zone- so try and step out there more often.
I know that you nervous, scared and even uneasy about what 30 years old will look like. But I need you to remember...You got this. You have all the skills to be great. Like ya sistafran always says...God be knowing.
Trust his timing. Trust HIS plan.
30 looks good on you.
"The paradox of parenting is that it moves in both fast speed and slow motion"
My mama will tell you that she remembers the day i was born like it was yesterday. She can spit my weight and length - i wouldn't be surprised if she knew the time of birth too.
Every year I love to sit and listen to my mama tell me stories about my birth. I feel like with every year i find out something new. I know that my mama drove herself to the hospital and labored with me naturally. Once I was born my birth made the newspaper becuse I was the only baby born in the hospital on a cold Monday in February (29th). I was born on a leap year which meant i wouldn't get another calendar birth date for another 4 years.
Once i made earthside i tons of family waiting to greet me..my dad being the proudest. So proud that we name Symphony.
fast forward a few days and I will approaching 30 years young, Im floored at how fast that went. I vividly remember many elementary, middle and high school experiences like it was yesterday and I've been out of high school 12 years....omg!!!
My mama will officially have a 30 year old child. Im not old.. she is. lol
As I reflect I continue to think about my journey of raising two little humans. I can't help but think how fast will the next 30 years go?!!
I'm blessed. I can say my parents never missed beat when it came to being present in my life. For that, Thank you!
"Mamahood: The days are long but the years are short"
I get it now.
#melanatedmama #mamablogger #mamasworld
"As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide whats best for you- the first time around" Oprah Winfrey.
Things I love about myself:
My legs, 100m hurdle, track star, looking good in heels
My weird fashion sense, I dress in what makes me happy
My ability to piece together a bomb ass outfit from goodwill
The why my minds visualizes possibilities ( I'm a visionary)
My heart, its ability to love again and again and again
My mind, always open for more
My Lips, big and bold. Especially when they are covered in red.
my art and hows its transformed through time
my views on failure, its a learning tool for greatness
Today is Valentine's day and just like yesterday on #blackloveday I am choosing to indulge in self love. Im celebrating me. No I don't have a partner, a bae or boo... No I don't have an elaborate date planned ( with a man) INSTEAD Im choosing to love on my village.. my crew- my girls.
Im dressing up, hooking up my make-up and loving on the people who love on me consistently.
If social media will serve as a trigger for you, stay off. Write a list of what makes up happy and do it.
Love yourself extra hard today.
"aint no body gone love you if you don't love you" my mama.
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare" Audre Lorde.
Today is #blackloveday!
I had the honor of meeting the creator, Ayo Handy Kendi, a couple of years ago while celebrating a born day in DC. It was amazing to hear her talk about why this day was so important.
#blackloveDay or BLD is the 3rd nationally, commemorated African American holiday wholyday.
It is an observance of atonement, reconciliation, celebration and 24 hour demonstration of Black love, showing 5 Tenets (specific acts). They are love towards the Creator, for Self, for the Family, within the Black Community and for the Black Race.
Today, for me, is ALL about self love. I don't think I began to fully understand what Self- Love was until about 1year ago. I have always been a outspoken individual who did what I wanted- but that doesn't mean that behind closed doors I struggled.
I exisited in a head space that centered my self-care on the needs of others... particularly men.
Until i decided to (fearfully) stand in front of the mirror and approach myself.
#myjourneyto30 I now understand that I am the only person worthy of approval. If anything disrupts my peace - I chuck you the Peace sign.
I had to learn to love myself, without conditions.
I had to learn to love myself even with my crooked smile, the acne scars, my short fingers, my large lips, the stretch marks...
I had to learn to carve time for me and to be unapologetic about it. Even if that mean getting a baby sitter. I learned that one can pour from an empty vessel.
It took for me to become a mama, before I started taking the act of self care seriously... mind body and soul.
It was hard work facing that mirror, but oh so worth it.
The work is not over, how I approach the selfceare work has changed for the better.
" I am deliberate and afraid of nothing." Andre Lorde.
"The way you speak to yourself matters."
For years I used my words to fight my battles. I was never a fighter so my spitfire word game was perfected. My ability to take a shortcoming and use it to make someone feel low was perfected. My new life as a (career working) single mama made me very angry and depressed. My dreams and expectations of a fairy tale life women are forced into believing is "the way" was off to horrible start. See, I had graduated college, met a guy whom i thought was amazing ( but wasn't cause I had on my "he's got potential frames"), got pregnant and thought next was the wedding and happily ever after. Blah blah blah, cause geese I was wrong.
Because my expectations were not met, I slumped into a 3 or so year pit of depression. I was a wreck. I could not understand why anyone could pass all this up.. and by this i mean the dopeness that is me!
Anyway, my life changed- and I resented my children's father ( and every other man). My body changed, which resulted in a constant love hate relationship, AND I was now responsible for a little human whose whole existence relied on my ability to care for them.
I was angry.
But Black Women saved my life.
It took me to be intentional about my healing before i started to see and feel change. There were(are) high days and for sure low ones.
Fast forward some 4.5 years Im a different woman. I look at my reflection and see beauty, strength, love and a few stretch marks that serve as reminders of my journey. I don't look at myself and speak negativity. nope. I know that those words have power. I instead look at my reflection and speak life.
Im the original #dopechic ( well 3rd generation cause Big Ma and My mama are super dope).
My journey wasn't meant for everyone. I am everything i am because of it. Im dope because I SAID I AM. I no l longer care about the opinions of others. If it (meaning men, events, friends, family, jobs, etc) doesn't protect my peace.... ha, I'm chucking you the peace sign!!! lbvs.
I am beautiful.
I am confident.
I am enough.
Speak life to yourself.
Puma, The MelanatedMama
I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find, and impossible to forget." Erin van Vuren
"Deep breaths are like little love notes to your self. "
Saturday. Probably my favorite self care day of the week especially when it involves a grown up girl's night!!! Every other day is filled with pre-filled work, community service, art and mama duties. The one day where i don't need an alarm clock is SATURDAY.
As I prepare for 30, Im especially excited about TODAY!
I vowed that this would be the year that I conquer my own fears, no matter how big or small. I made a list of 30 things/experiences that i avoided because of fear.
Today, is Speed Dating. ( insert dramatic music).
Let my homegirls tell it... I have a a "type" of man I gravitate to.
Im trying broaden my horizons, so putting myself out there for a Speed dating event is my way of conquering this fear of getting back into the dating scene.
Im beyond nervous but excited to putting myself back out there, again.
my turn up is natural, no wine or other bubbly drank needed.
Any moment, without my children, where I get to dress up is WIN for me. So if you see me in these streets just know - Im happy AF- don't kill my vibe.
So, tonight I'm preparing to do my hair, mositurize my skin (#teamnoashyin2018), hook up my make-up, marvel at my fully put together outfit in the full body mirror and sashay out the door.
Watch me work.
Do you see these legs?!
"I told myself that i was going to live the rest of my life as if it were Saturday" Chip Gaines.
Im the mama of Marli Amor and Kingston Ase.