In early March I finally, after weeks of not taking my body seriously, decided to go the doctor to get many of my unanswered questions.... answered.
Unanswered questions? wait let me start at the beginning!
After giving birth to Marli I decided to enlist in some birth control. I did a little research and settled on the Mirena. If you are unfamiliar with this method, its basically a small contraption (that's shaped like your uterus) that fits in your uterus and administer hormones. Fortunately for me, this method completely ended all visits from the beloved Aunt Flo (your period). For 2 full years I did not receive a knock on the door from the aunt that we all hate to see coming but appreciate when she does. I mean she does cleanse our bodies and ensure that we are not pregnant - but the pain and uncomfortability ( is that a word?!) she brings to others is sometimes a force...
Anyway, after getting the Mirena I stopped having periods.... For about a year and half I was totally cool with that. TOTALLY, but then in a strange sort of way I started to miss Aunt Flo... I realized how much she made me feel like a woman. I know that sounds weird, but see Aunt Flo was always good to me she came with no cramps and a light short cycle. Her and I were good.
I schedule an appointment to get it removed in order to let my body "reset it self". I was told it would take a month, or 2, to get back regular.
Lets stop here. That's the background in terms of my body. Simultaneously during all of this time my on again off again boo ( Marli's Dad) were TRYING to make it work... Building a family and all that good stuff. In saying that just let your imagination roll... Working it out sometimes meant sex. I mean like once or twice. Literally.
This all happened. in November.
Fast forward to March. I called into the doctor's like "Hey, it's March like 4 months have passed and I have yet to have a visit from Aunt Flo. Whats up with that?"
I was instructed to come in. After blood work was taken I get a call stating my hCG levels were high and that I was positive for pregnancy!
my thoughts: What WHAT?! Can't be, we used protection. It was only one time ( or 2) but for real. Naw, this ain't right.
I insisted more test be ran so i come in three or so days later to get more blood work done. This time with the upmost sense of urgency I get a call that my hCG levels were really high and that I needed to come in right away to see what was going on.
I leave work on my lunch break and rush to the doctor's office, I call in my bestie/soror a.k.a Marli's God Ma to join me for extra backup. My Doctor insisted that an ultrasound had to be taken. Both of us are nervous at this point- what if I was pregnant? If the thought wasn't real to me before in that pre moment of waiting for my name to be called in the ultrasound waiting room- it was real now.
Inside the room I'm nervous. I inhale to prepare for this moment. I held my bestie's hand and prayed. The radiologist applied that jelly on my tummy and before she could put that instrument over it a #wholebaby appeared on the screen. A. #wholebaby. was. in. my.womb, straight kicking it and sucking his thumb. I cried instantly.
Immediately consumed with fear and thoughts of how THIS was not apart of my PLAN. I got quiet and limb. I was really pregnant, not just gaining weight but PREGNANT!. Here all this time was thinking i was simply gaining weight. My gym bag was packed, I beginning to consistently work out...I had no early signs of being pregnant. I was use to having no periods, so even the idea of missing a period gave me no signs of the potential of being pregnant. It never came up as an option. I was really pregnant!!!!!
The appointment carried on for about 30 more minutes. While I was still in shock I knew my life, again, had been changed. A new journey was/is ahead of me.
A son. My SUN> was apart of me for almost 18 weeks. Almost half way through the process and I had NO idea.
While I have accepted my reality it still doesn't stop the feelings of fear from taking over my thoughts. A working, career driven single mother of 2 babies- cause obviously we ain't working on it no more.... is a scary thought. But then i remember I have a solid village!!! When I was pregnant with Marli I thought I couldn't do it by myself, and I'm doing it! I know God's plan for my life clearly aint mines lol, however no matter what...He is coming and so it shall be (Ase)
My Kingston Ase.
Im the mama of Marli Amor and Kingston Ase.