Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life" unknown
The season of change. The season that reminds who about the importance of family, and creating memories. The season that eloquently reminds you that change is both beautiful and necessary. If I'm being honest with myself it is also, historically, the time of year when my depression goes into high gear and I find myself not wanting to enjoy any of the above... family, change or creating memories- because well change scares the crap out of me.
My children are my everything. They bring me so much joy and happiness, yet often I find myself consumed with work and getting through one day just to prepare for the next.
This weekend I had so much fun hanging with the little people I love most, my children and my nephew. We spent the entire day, just 25 minutes north of the city, in nature playing, laughing and enjoying each other's company -work, while important could wait.
Lately, family has meant so much to me, after all its really all that matters. It can get so easy to fall in the routine of working and living day to day. Last Saturday I really took the time to disconnect and enjoy the energy of my family. We put on our fall attire, laughed until we cried, played in dirt, fed farm animals, took a hay ride to meticulously pick the perfect pumpkin, watched pig races and shared freshly made, warm kettle corn. Time escaped us and the only thing that matter was having FUN!
Driving home the children peacefully slept on each other's shoulders which allowed me the space to turn up my Coltrane and reflect and plan for more moments like the one I had just experienced.
As I cruised down one long, quiet country road I crafted a list of ways I intended to slow down this season and really love on my family:
5 Things you can do SLOW DOWN and ENJOY FALL WITH FAMILY!
1. Get outdoors.
Fall is the perfect time to get outdoors and enjoy the fresh cool air. The urban Ecology and many County parks have amazing walking paths. Use this time as a moment to engage with nature and just be.
2. Cuddle up.
When the weather gets cold, there is nothing more comforting than grabbing your favorite blanket, a hot beverage and turning on netfilx to enjoy a PG movie with kids... in my case Captain Underpants
3. Bake Something.
MAKA love being in the kitchen with me. I have found several mama and me type cooking books that allow use to make quick and yummy treats together as a family.
4. Fall Arts and Crafts.
This is the perfect time of year to spend a Saturday morning making art. Grab leaves and do rubbings, fine pine combs and paint them, get pumpkins and do lanterns.
5. Take Fall Pictures.
Grab your smart phone or a camera and use nature as your backdrop. Capture the family and create a fall corner some where in your home filled with your new pics. OR you could call me and I'll photograph your family for a small fee.. :)
Dear Frans and Family members,
I need y'all help!! Ive seen several blogs that speak to the lack of photos that a single mother will have with her children- that aren't selfies/ussies. At first I was just sure that I had a healthy amount of ussies and photos taken of me and my children. However after a weekend of organizing my digital files I realized that I actually have far too many ussies and a very limited amount of photos actually taken of me and my children. sort of like some 3k photos and maybe 50 are photos taken of me and my children.
That fact made me pretty sad,
I am almost ten months post partum and finally I'm beginning to fall in love with my body again. Finally I'm starting to see my reflection and recognize the person staring back at me. Finally I WANT to be photographed period.
The over arching problem is I rarely have any photos of me interacting with my children and that has to change.
So here is my request for my village of frans and family that see me often.
Take photos of me.. even when I'm not looking/paying attention. I want my children to go back into their albums and see how involved I was in their lives. I want my children to know i was present.
Send me the photos so that I can print them and add them right away to their albums.
Your help in this matter will be greatly appreciated!
Im super nervous about this...but it has been on my heart.
Ive experienced three mother's day so far and with each of them I spent at home saddened because I didn't recieve any acknowledgement.. .especially from my children's father.
Instead of setting up expectations that lead to hurt feelings. This year I want to shift the expectation and empower myself along with other mamas.
If you are a single mama you are welcomed to join MelanatedMama for a Single Mama Mother's Day Brunch this SATURDAY at 11am Maxfields pancake house -Mayfair!!!
Let's get together and fellowship and empower one another. Please note Mamas are expected to pay for their own food.
Babies are welcomed, of course!!!!
Each mama that comes will receive a gift!
Comment below if you plan to attend
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#melanatedmama #mothersday #mamasday
If parenting has taught me one thing,,its taught me that this little person already has her own predetermined destiny and that my job is guide and expose her to things that will contribute to her greatness.
I remember when I thought parenting a child meant I would be in control of their decision- making. However she reminds me, often, that she's clear about her likes and dislikes. I was sure that being a parent meant that I could dress them how I wanted and that basically the child would do and be what ever I wanted them to be.... and then I became a parent.
My daughter is intelligent, opinionated, observant and eager to learn. She has critical thinking skills and is beginning to show some higher level thinking abilities. Parenting my child has taught me more about me then I could have ever imagined. While writing this very post I had an "aha" moment about my desires to control situations in my life- the conclusion is you can't.
I have to remember that it is my job as her mother is to guide her, not control her. My job is to nurture her spirit and let her lead the way. A totally different approach to how I was parented.
I was raised (for the most part) on the premise of "Do as I say and not as I do" or " because I said so" ideologies. In order to raise a child who is confident, aware and empowered I believe I must let her lead the way. She is control of her body, she determines her wardrobe, and hair styles, she's learning (already) to make choices and to own them. Yes, at three she's learned that now some choices are good ones - and that consequences are real.
There are some days when I'm drained and overwhelmed with this parenting approach- however I realize that in the end it will all make sense. There are still some times when my choices must trump hers- for safety but I'm confident my decision to let her lead the way is the best way to raise an aware individual!
What are your thoughts?
Last night I just about lost all patience with Marli. After work is always a tricky time when i actually get the rare time to come straight home. Yesterday I was able to come straight home after work to sit and relax. That span of time could be an hour or two before dinner is actually served. I tried real hard to fill that time in with a healthy snack and some mommy daughter play time, however Marli clearly had other plans. Immediately after walking in, hanging up her coat and releasing our dog from his cage she ran to the fridge asking for ice cream.
Now, I normally don't buy Ice Cream but a few weeks ago Marli was hit with the flu bug. Ice cream and Popsicle were thee only thing she would keep down. While preparing dinner one day earlier, she caught a glimpse inside the freezer and saw the damn ice cream bucket. From that day on, her favorite food group has been ice cream.
Last night was an all out battle.
"marli lets eat some dinner"
"mommy I Don't want no dinner- I want ice cream"
" marli eat this spaghetti and then we can have some ice cream."
Immediate tears, all of which were fake, came running down her face. Kicks and screams filled my living room along with the frequents reminders that she was in charge and that ice cream would be for dinner.
"ok, marli ill leave your food here. Eat it and then you can have some ice cream."
SCREAMS at the top of lungs.
Trying to remain calm, I politely picked her up and dropped her off in her room.
"night night. You don't eat spaghetti you can go to bed"
" no mommy, i no tired. Ill eat dinner."
We walk back into the kitchen. She tricked me. She saw that ice cream and went crazy. Again.
Go up to screams at the top lungs and re-read 2 more times.
It took me a good 4 times to rationalize with her. However, once she saw it my way she enjoyed her spaghetti and got indulge in some rainbow sherbet ice cream!