Look at this picture.. Its absolutely stunning right?!. There is a sense of vulnerability here that I have not allowed myself to feel in years. The pregnancy of my son gave me the feeling of strength and beauty (something else I had not felt in years) and the courage to take this photo.
I feared being this open and free especially coming from a place of hurt. I feared rejection and judgment, To cope with what would soon become my new reality ( a single mother of 2) I knew i had to begin working on myself... and harder than I had ever done before. I begun to connect to the earth and realize that everything i needed to do this job was already given to me... this was no mistake.
The making of this photo took lots of reflection and planning on the back end. I approached my soror and her husband with an idea for a maternity photo shoot. Within that conversation I expressed my nervousness about becoming a new mom again and wanted to express myself and my journey through photography. She heard me and styled three looks for the shoot. Her and her husband took my vision and created this masterpiece of a photo you see here- which is one of many. I was surely nervous and everything about this process took me out of my comfort zone.
I also begin to fully understand the phrase... Energy can not be created nor destroyed, its simply transferred.
This pregnancy taught me a lot about myself. I learned how to forgive.I learned how to not entertain negative energy and only acknowledge energy that made me feel good. I didn't always get it right and its still surely a learning process. However, I also learned how to open myself up for loving me again. With everything else going on in my life I realized that I was not the same woman... and that that was okay!
Becoming pregnant with my son, my #wholebaby, was a surprise and totally unplanned. However, the universe knew I needed him to push along my healing journey. For three years there was a mixture of denial and acceptance of my broken heart and single motherhood journey, For three years I allowed another individual to dictate my happiness. I allowed this individual to transfer negative energy onto my life... So much so that I lost who I was.
When I was pregnant I felt in overwhelming sense of peace. The reality of becoming a mom of 2 (on my own) gave me the courage to confront myself and to essentially say, "Girl, your deepest fear is not that YOU are inadequate. Your deepest fear is that you are POWERFUL beyond measure. It is YOUR light, not your darkness that frightens YOU. Ask yourself Who are you to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you NOT to be? You are a child of GOD. Your playing small doesn't service the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you!"
My life has not gone the way I planned...but surely I am blessed none the less. I have 2 beautiful children and tribe/village that loves and supports me. My inner G is glowing and I am stronger and more powerful than I have ever felt.. I am beautiful. Im going into 2017 affirming all of the above.
I am moving into the new year knowing that I am enough. whether you see it or not.
I am worthy.
I am dope.
Peace out 2016.... whaddup 2017!
Im the mama of Marli Amor and Kingston Ase.